When you bring home a newborn, you hope your older child will accept the baby as another branch of love on the family tree. Reality may or may not be that simple. After all, you're putting your firstborn on a permanent play date with a child who, at first, will prefer drooling on a ball rather than catching one.
Your child's unique personality will play a role in how he handles the transition. You might find yourself happily encouraging an already positive attitude, or at your wits end coping with resentment. Either way, you can give sibling harmony an edge over rivalry with the follow strategies.
We Are Family. Tell your child about the big event before telling friends and family, so he doesn't hear about it from somebody else. Emphasize that we are having a baby - not just Mom and Dad. Explain to him that our baby is a gift from God for the whole family.
The Canadian Health Network (www.canadian-health-network.ca) suggests involving future big brothers and sisters by asking them to shop with you for baby necessities.
Learning Curve. Kids are naturally curious about babies. Ann Douglas, author of The Mother of All Pregnancy Books (John Wiley & Sons), suggests taking your older child to prenatal checkups. "She will have the opportunity to listen to the baby's heartbeat and to ask the doctor or midwife any questions she may have about the baby."
Also, share children's books that talk about new babies. Show your child her own baby photos and explain how you took care of her. Give your future diaper-fetcher a baby doll so she can practice holding the baby, diapering and bathing.
Timing Is Everything. CHN suggests allowing the big-sibling-to-be plenty of time to adjust to milestones such as transitioning out of a crib or toilet training before your newborn arrives. You don't want the baby blamed for the changes.
First Impressions. When siblings meet for the first time Mom should be hands free for hugging. Child & Family Canada (www.cfc-efc.ca) proposes having the baby arrive with a gift for his big brother or sister. You know ... the whole, "I come in peace!" scenario.
Dribbling Sibling. Newborns don't have a lot to offer in terms of a playmate. Unlike a new toy there isn't even a box to play with.
"Parents need to make sure that their older child understands that newborns spend a lot of their time sleeping and eating and that it will be at least a few months before the new baby laughs or crawls," points out Douglas.
Helping Mom or Dad with the little tyke might generate enthusiasm. Accept help fetching diapers, choosing the day's outfit, singing to the baby or gently rocking a cradle or swing.
On a (film) roll. Douglas recommends, "When you're taking photos of the new baby, be sure to include your older child in some of the photographs as well. Then order double prints so that your child can start a photograph album of her own."
Handling Backlash. Acknowledge feelings of anger or jealousy. CHN advises supervising young children around the baby. Also, be patient around the child who reverts to baby behaviour. She'll bounce back in her own time, especially if you spend some quality time with her each day. Having a chat while you feed the baby is another way to remind her that you enjoy her company, too.
Batteries Included. Don't assume children realize you have enough love for them and the baby - tell them. By listening to warm words from you and seeing how important they are in this business of welcoming a new family member, big siblings will discover that each baby arrives on the scene with a fresh supply of love.
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